I am
consistently amazed and grateful for the role that women and the
feminine in general has played in my life.
I was one of those, like so many in this culture, who was
raised by a mother who did not have a clue about what it meant to
truly nurture. And who,
being subject to the experts of her day, didn’t even believe in
breast feeding. How basic
can you get on the scale of connecting, nurturing and loving a child,
than to follow your most inbred instincts? But would a woman of her
day stand up to the male establishment and say “no, I know
better?” Then after
adopting many defensive strategies that allowed me to cope with such
parental inadequacies, I grew up into childhood relatively adapted.
But at that point, I learned that feelings weren’t OK, and that wild
displays of enthusiasm, self appreciation, creativity, or perhaps
sexuality were not appreciated. Does
any of this sound familiar? Well
needless to say, most of us who are products of that generation have
some wounds and places of lack that are wanting to be fed, healed and
nurtured now. And in addition, especially for girls who were to be
“little ladies” or “seen and not hear”, we have some real
expressing to do.
I started out this
story by expressing my gratitude for women and the feminine, because
it has been my connection with these that have slowly but surely been
pulling me out of some dull, empty, or hurtful places in my life.
Part of the adapting I did as a child was to identify with my
father and thus took on more “masculine” or “yang” traits.
I became quite capable in the world, a “doer”, and resorted
to retreat to my head, reason and understanding as a protection from
the more painful or frustrating experiences in my life.
I have since undertaken a dedicated study of learning to
incorporate the feminine into all aspects of my life.
In a broad sense what that looks like is learning to know what
I feel at any given time and be able to express it; being in touch
with what I had felt that I never let myself and being able to express
that; letting myself be unproductive and still at times; committing
more time to connecting with nature; becoming more comfortable with
the unknown, that is, not having to know the outcomes or answers all
the time; learning to let go of my sense of control and surrender to
life or a higher energy; moving
beyond being run by judgmental voices in my head; coming to a much
greater place of acceptance for who I am; and very importantly,
letting my self express creatively on a regular basis.
I am not saying I have this study down perfectly yet, but I am
saying that as I develop in the process of the study, something
fundamental and almost primal in me is coming alive.
A passion, strength and ability to speak up, step out and go
for what has meaning for me is becoming the norm rather than the rare.
And of course when
we find something that significantly uplevels our own life, part of
our natural evolution is to want to share these gifts and use them in
service to others. Having
just written a book explaining the entire process in detail and having
returned to doing retreats and workshops, that encorporate the
feminine and the creative in a much greater way, I am now in the
blessed place of being able to give of my self in service and share my
gifts.
I share this story of my passage from being
“a motherless child” of sorts, to feeling like a full
fledged child of “the mother,”
in hopes to inspire woman to dedicate portions of their lives
to cultivating their connection with the feminine.
This can be done by practicing any of the things I mentioned
before, especially spending more time in nature, engaging in creative
expressive acts, (i.e. dancing, singing, art, writing), partaking in
rituals, and connecting with other women.
I can’t impress strongly enough the power of connecting with
other women in a heart to heart way.
A friend recently told me, “ Before I started connecting with
women I was depressed and my life was lacking a lot.
My friend helped me remember my connection with other women and
after a time I gained an inner strength and feelings of connectedness
with all beings. It basically healed my life.”
I read the story of Patrice Wynne who ran an important
bookstore in Berkeley, California, that had been a center of activism
and community service for many years. After being told by her lawyers
that she had to close (internet was killing her business) she says she
was “gripped with fear” and her deepest values were shaken.
At that point she called together a group of women friends.
“One thing I knew , as a woman, was that telling my story to a group
of intimates would help. Men
are perhaps trained to see themselves as individuals, going out to
face the battle field alone, as if their identities depend on their
sole accomplishments…I knew if I completely collapsed and wailed in
that group I would be OK.” Her being received by these woman was a
healing in itself but magic also happens in a group of women who focus
to support each other. They ended up supporting her in raising over $300,000 to meet
her debts and start her out refreshed and refurbished.
It
has been the help of individual woman and circles of women over the
years and especially engaging in rituals with them, that has supported
me in embracing the feminine in the way I spoke of earlier. And only
recently after the unexpected loss of the most significant and loving
relationship in my life, was I supported through my grieving process
and empowered to return to life in a whole new way.
The other large key
in this process of bringing the feminine into our lives along with
connecting with other women is learning to express ourselves, both
speaking our truths and creative less linear forms of expression. Be it through any form of art, vocal expression such as
sounds or song, movement such as dance or freeform moving, writing
such as poetry or impulse writing, improvising music, or play act
theater. Something
powerful and magical happens in the creative act.
Something that helps us make sense of our worlds.
Something that releases the frustrations, hurts, and anxieties
of life and at the same time puts us truly in the moment and feeling
connected to the divine. This
type of expressing relieves the strains of everyday living from our
systems and in a sense “cleans the pipes.”
Thus leaving us empowered to make choices and decisions from a
whole new place. All
of these acts of bringing the feminine into our lives create a feeling
of greater stability within. It
is that greater sense of stability and inner strength that enable us
to take the risks which are inevitably necessary to create a life that
fits the truth of who we are. Once our lives begin to look like who we
really are rather than some made up or defended version that we took
on in childhood, that is when true joy, passion, and celebration can
occur.
Joy Lynn
Freeman, D.C., Ph.D. (cand.), has been a pioneer in the healing
arts for over twenty
years as a natural physician,
speaker-facilitator, therapist, and life transition coach. She has
lectured and offered workshops and retreats nationwide and is a
frequent guest on radio shows. Joy is the author of the Book Express
Yourself: Discover Your Inner Truth, Creative Self and The
Courage To Let It Out, a companion music CD, Let It Shine,
a series of five yoga videos and Women as Leaders and Healers
- transformational retreats and workshops incorporating expressive
arts, ritual & nature.
